Hi Friends,

Tomorrow’s the big day! Finally, a starting line for my treatment - tomorrow marks the first of my 20-week chemotherapy protocol. Infusions will be my weekly Thursday routine through October.

Many of you, with this milestone approaching, have asked me, “How are you doing?” and I have two disparate answers to that very kind, but also very difficult, question:

My first answer, to borrow from Amanda Doyle when discussing her own breast cancer diagnosis with sister Glennon Doyle on their (phenemonal) podcast, We Can Do Hard Things:

This episode was recorded 3 weeks after Amanda’s diagnosis and perfectly articulated how I’ve been living - deep in the details, not yet in despair.

You see - for the past month since my diagnosis,

I’ve gone to 20 doctor’s appointments,

I’ve undergone 7 procedures (biopsies, intensive tests and surgeries)

I’ve spent ~ 14 hours on the phone with insurance and specialty pharmacies to procure the right medications.

I don’t tell you this to feel bad for me. Please don’t feel bad fo rme.

I tell you this just to help you understand that with all the doing I’ve been doing - I haven’t had the space to process how I’m truly feeling.

Having talked to at least a dozen of women in my extended network with similar diagnosis or cancer journey (thank you for those that reached out with introductions!) - this delayed processing is really common. The feeling will come - just not yet.

My second answer is tonight I feel a bit like a kid on Christmas Eve (hence the poem) - just overcome with anticipation.

Although this type of anticipation is more akin to the wait the night before a battle than seeing what kind of Barbies would be waiting under the tree.

So maybe tonight feels a bit like the night before war. I don’t know - I’ve never been to war.

Whatever the right analogy, tonight feels heavy but, weirdly enough, tonight feels hopeful because tomorrow is the first real step, since my diagnosis, to eradicate my cancer - and that feels just as exciting as it is scary.

What I Need 🙏

I’m so thankful for my incredible support system that has been showing up for me incredible ways.

People continue to ask “What can I do to support you?” and my answer has evolved and likely will continue to on this journey.

I’m blessed to be getting that question a lot so here’s what’s on my mind this week:

• Give me your recs 📚 What are you reading/listening to/watching that you think I’d enjoy? Reply to this email and give me your recs!

• Feed me / Drive me 🍴 🚖 Not literally - but I’ll gladly accept UberCash to fund Jake & I’s nourshiment and transportation to/from treatment. Just share to my personal email [email protected].

• Fund me 💓  The medical bills continue to stack up & as a small business owner, I can really only work part-time right now which directly impacts how much I take in. I’m thankful to have a great support system but, as crass as it seems to me, money really will help and venmo makes that easy!

All that being said, you being here (as in making it to this point in the post) and supporting my favorite way to cope, writing, is enough. The above is just for those that want and have the ability to do more!

Until next time,

Jess

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